[ Hey guys! So basically I found this huge RPG book from the 90s in my mom’s boxes. Seems like it’s based on this manga (and anime?) “Ermine’s Adventure” / アーミン冒険, although I can’t find anything about it online.

I thought it would be a fun challenge to start translating it, although I didn’t really realize how much I was biting off. Keep in mind my nihongo is not especially jouzu and I know next to zero about D&D-type stuff, and also this thing is a brick lol.

Anyway, I tried to focus on the key ideas first. See what you think! ]

[ Pretty cool, right?

But I’ve got to fess up and tell you that, uh… the surface world is a mystery to me, too.

I haven’t gotten that far. That is most of the book; there’s like a massive chapter for each of the five biomes. It started getting into the humidity ratings and how it affects encumbrance and I had to lie down.

So, I didn’t think we could really play the game yet, but my little sister got REALLY excited about it, and she invited her friends over and everything. So what we ended up doing is making up everything on the spot.

Something fun is that we all kinda fill in different parts. Like, Tara loves to make weird creatures, and she’ll just go on adding random traits – fins, spikes, more heads – until someone steps in. And then she wants to hunt them, but Porscha wants to make friends with them.

Porscha likes to talk to characters, so she’s always bringing us to new dungeons and monster villages, and she always gives them some dire peril that we need to help with, like a volcano or a plague.

And then Wolfie is all about details. That kid will just take what someone else said and inform us ‘yes the marble of the coliseum has veins of crystal that pulse with magic from long ago. it’s blue.’ Absolute ledge.

Sometimes I think up villains and noble palaces and stuff ahead of time and find a way to fit them in. It’s fun cause I can have all these secret hazards planned out like an evil scheme.

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure Betsy is just adding things from Phineas & Ferb. It takes all kinds.

When we’re deciding on a new quest, what we like to do is talk ‘in-persona.’ Like, we have our personas bring up new places and goals as if they’ve heard of them before. And then we argue about which one sounds funner.

Okay, for the sake of inspiration, I’m going to include this paragraph I really like from another section:

[ When it comes to the ‘family’ scenes, at first we roleplayed each other’s family, cause that made the most sense to me.

But the kids decided that we each play our own family, so now we just get this open-mic series of talking-to-yourself one-woman shows. It’s like really funny. ]

[ I find some of the kids don’t really engage with the ‘flaws’ thing. They’re basically playing as themselves and don’t need to roleplay being bratty.

Porscha, though, has this great snooty, academic persona who’s constantly prying into everyone’s secrets and making enemies. I like how it gets the other players to make up secrets. ]

[ So, all the weapons and armors and potions and species traits, and a lot of circumstantial things like surprise in battle or whether a negotiator likes your vibes, are supposed to have their own special weight values in grams and kilos. The section has its own index.

Our quick-and-dirty Amurrican method: Each thing is worth 1lb. Yep, each distinct advantage or disadvantage is simply 1lb. If it’s really big, it can be worth 2 or 3lbs. Count em up!

(This did spark a productive discussion on why pounds are not pronounced ‘lubs.’) ]

[ So, something that confused me at first was like… Okay, who knows the secret factors??? Who tells you how the scales fall? It’s weird, I feel like I missed a key idea somewhere.

At first I was handling that stuff, since I know more about the game. But the kids didn’t like me being “bossy.”

So what we’ve been doing is: The person who introduced the obstacle is basically ‘in charge’ of that obstacle.

So when I bring in a wicked fairy, it’s me controlling the fairy against the rest of the posse, and I decided the fairy is secretly weak to stank.

But when Wolfie brings in a landslide, it’s us against them, and only they know some of the rocks are actually bombs.

I like it cause it makes the challenge and danger real. We can’t just decide we win, we have to really be inventive and we can really fail. And we get to be evil gremlins to each other. ]

[ Tara, who loves rules, decided that when you start learning a skill, you have to attempt it 3 times (in 3 different situations), and then you have that skill at 1lb. If you get training from a master, and use the skill 3 more times, it can go up to 2lb. She is very strict about this.

Top-secret expert tip for advanced gamers: Draw a little picture next to each of your skills.

Oh, uh… if you’re hoping for the actual skill list, don’t hold your breath. It’s basically nothing but uncommon kanji that I’d have to look up. I did catch a few that are mostly just English words written in kana, so I’ll put those as a little sampler:

[ Our quick solution for boons and deboons:

Basically, they should relate to the enemy’s traits. So if we’re cooking a mermaid, the sushi could give us water-breathing powers, but also make us distracted by shiny things overhead, etc.

And in the spirit of using the whole buffalo, here’s a note on money:

If I’m being honest, there’s no way I’m going to bother counting out galleons and sickles and stuff. Basically, when we get to a town, we’ll be like ‘hey did we defeat any venchers on the way? ok yeah then we have some money.’ So, effectively, the posse can carry exactly one unit of money at a time.

I think part of the sentiment of the game is that we always return money to the next monster community we see, and they offer favors in return, rather than us buying stuff per se. ]

[ Here’s my quick summary of some of the monsters and nobles. FYI, some of the text was confusing, so these are partially based off the illustrations too.

Monsters

Carmilla – A pale, gothful ghoul that appears childlike forever. She charms and commands the unwary with magic and cuteness. She must follow the rules of a building as if they were laws of physics.

Delfs – Tiny people as tall as a coffee mug. They traditionally live in old burial mounds. Their advantage is an aptitude for magic, especially far-seeing and necromancy. The nobles did not appreciate these qualities.

Devil – Furry upright goats in red, orange, and purple. Their hooves let them bound up mountains. Their small wings can glide, but not lift. They are immune to heat. They have a cultural tradition of wild, raucous dancing.

Dogfella – An upright hound with fluffy, brightly-colored fur. They smell really good, but they smell really bad.

Dragon Half – A humanoid with a reptile snout, tail, little wings, horns, and scales in some places. Big and strong – too strong for her own good. And too fire-breathing by half.

Gobling – A short, bulky being with a long, pointy snout and blue skin. They make great linebackers and cannonballs. Easy to throw, for better or for worse.

Harper – A human-sized bird with a human face. They come in many types, from owls to vultures. Their talons are relatively dextrous, but their real skill is carrying allies for great distances. They traditionally act as advisors and critics.

Kaniboozu – Though they look like huge crabs, they have the power to blend in anywhere and be accepted as ‘normal.’ They live peacefully in many different communities, even those of nobles. The main giveaway is the sideways motion.

Kenmun – Hairy red and black monkeys with oil dishes on top of their heads. They can shapeshift by burning the oil. They live in trees by the water, and have a culture of sumo wrestling. Children are warned not to wrestle an octopus.

Kijimunaa – They look like red-haired human children, except that they hop around on one big foot. They live in trees by the water like Kenmun, and eat fish eyes. Children are warned not to eat octopus eyes.

Mudlad – The exact same species as Mermaids, but of a caste deemed ugly. They have the torso of a big fish or sea creature, upon human legs. They speak a unique language of warbles and kicks. They can swim like missiles.

Slime Half – Semi-amorphous colorful jelly that defaults to a humanoid shape. Can squash, stretch, and liquefy, but has trouble keeping it together.

Troll – A huge, round, fuzzy, bearlike being with pointy little ears. They spend long periods in hibernation. They understand plants and wildlife like an old friend, and can work magic with them.

Wacky Bonez – A skeleton with a rainbow of brightly-colored bones. Easily smashed to pieces, but controls all her bones from a distance.

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Some other monsters we have played as:

Ogre

Daywalker

Boogeyperson

Rayquaza

Witch (as a species)

Platypus

“Cookie Monster” (as a species)

Nobles

Dwarfs – Small, sturdy people who are always born in septuplets. They have a rigid caste society where you must embody your assigned attitude at all times.

Elfs – A sister species of delfs with a lighter palette. They traditionally lived in the margins of dwellings and borrowed what they needed. Their magic specialties are cooking and cobbling, which is why they are accepted as nobles.

Fairy – Bug-sized people who can zip like hummingbirds. They are hyperactive, restless, and unfocused, and therefore value games and fun over serious plans. They are accepted as nobles for their iridescent beauty.

Hoomin – A completely humanoid human. Their species’ claim to fame is an incredible throwing arm.

Kitsune – Shapeshifters with the true form of a fox. Employed by nobles, they sneak among Monsters and even replace individuals to sabotage the community. However, their culture values parties above all, and if one begins they will give it top priority.

Mermaid – The torso of a human with the tail of a fish. They have adopted a feverish devotion to hoomin beauty standards, such that they exile their ugliest kin and even try to cover up the gills on their neck.

Normal Cat – A completely catlike cat. Ordinary cats are accepted as nobles for their regal bearing.

Sphinx – Lions with human heads, whose metabolism calls for much lounging. They have a reputation as knowledge keepers, with long lifespans and ancient texts. Nobles feed them monsters in exchange for information.

Tengu – Humanoids with long noses, who are starkly divided by age. While the elders act as stoic sages, the youth are hellions allowed to run wild until the day their wrinkles suddenly arrive. They are known for plundering rare artifacts from all over the world.

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…There you have it!

Well, with all the missing pieces and bandaids and whatever, I can’t really claim we’re playing the real “Dungeon Messy.” So, any actual fans have the right to make fun of us in Japanese. (And while you’re at it, let me know where I can watch “Ermine’s Adventure.”)

We sure are playing something, though! ]